Relationship Ramblings Chapter 1

A Wayne Steven Saga😂

But we act like we’ve been here before…

The funny thing about relationships is every day is new. The way you would look at your relationship changes from day to day; depending on if you learn from the previous days experiences. Most people don’t think that deep…but I do. I eat, sleep, breathe and ponder on relationships more than any other topic. I CONSIDER everything all at once. I think about how the other person might feel. How situations mirror one another. I think about how to prevent things from happening so that unnecessary conflicts don’t occur.

Some people live for conflict. I live for resolution. Some people see me as “combative”. I just don’t let people get away with saying whatever without being able to substantiate their claim. But I’m learning something as I go along in this life; people might know you’re right but their insecurities prohibit them from surrendering their argument.

I’m emotionally intelligent enough to know when someone isn’t being forthright with me…or even when they’re gaslighting me. I get gaslit daily. But I allow it because I know that I don’t necessarily need anyone to believe (or admit) that I’m right for me to believe it. People are naturally inconsiderate and don’t want to relinquish anything that makes them feel as if they are in control. I don’t mind letting you believe that you’re in control; that’s actually a form of me controlling YOU. Yeah, you might think you’re walking the dog, but he controls how often you stop and when you go back inside. Your leash means nothing…

I’m far too cerebral for some. Mostly people who don’t like to use their brain beyond the basic reaches of receiving recycled recitations…I didn’t even do that on purpose…anyways…So in being cerebral, I am always playing chess with you…I make an assault with my Knight, I let you take a few pawns…I retreat with my Knight, then I take your Bishop because you tried to be too cute; and on and on it goes. Some people call that manipulative. Me too. I just use it for the greater good while people try to manipulate me so I can shut up.

I like mental games; a “tet a tet” if you will. Nobody ever wants to play for too long. What does this have to do with relationships you ask? Because my wife thinks she can manipulate me. She swears her motives are pure. They’re not. They are meant to keep me docile and lacking confidence…although she says she wants me to be confident. My serpentine nature allows me to play along. I love her. But I know she’s not being 100% with me. She likes to protect my ego while taking chunks out of it at the same time. Again…I’ll play along. I like games.

Don’t get me wrong. She is the love of my life but I also know what a woman with a wandering eye looks like. I’m not saying she’s cheating. I’m saying she wants to. I give her reasons. I keep her off balance by being emotionally erratic at times. Being venomous but contrite. Being arrogant but insecure. What for? I don’t know yet. I’m waiting to see what happens. She gets so offended at the idea of me believing she would be unfaithful. But I know it’s coming. I have it coming. I try to be everything she could need or want so she won’t stray…I guess I don’t really believe that she has but the moment I give into that thought, that’s when it will occur! Only time will tell.

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