Quiet

How do you find stillness and calmness in the chaotic chatter of your mind. It’s been a sunny day or windy or maybe anything. She didn't know what it was, for her heart was too blind to notice the weather.

And again you find yourself back to the most painful places. Its like you were climbing up the ladder by gathering most possible courage in you, every piece of you was filled with so much of yourself. And with every step, you were losing those parts. You held it so tightly and still it slipped, leaving so many gaps in your heart. This is not something that has occurred for the first time. With every loss, she felt something within her has left and that something would never come back again. Its hard to explain what you feel, when all you feel is nothing or everything maybe.

Since her childhood she has always dreamt of falling down the stairs. In her dreams too, her parts had left her alike reality. She felt she was dissolving in darkness. How can darkness ever give you hope. Your heart engulfed in darkness, how could it ever be about hope.

And then she closed her eyes, she dreamt, when she was a little girl, she loved wearing those polka dot frocks. She always felt like a fairy in those polka dot frocks. And how after long dreadful day, she would meet her mother and run towards her and her mother will carry her in her delicate arms and hug her. All those pieces she had lost would not matter. The gaps in her heart would be planted with so much of love. But then she grew up? And plantation of love was almost dried or unnoticed.

Later when she was growing, she encountered many hands who were ready to plant seeds in her gaps, and she thought all the hands were as same as her mother’s. Sometimes seeds that got planted resulted in weeds.

When she was plucking those weeds from her heart. She looked into the mirror and saw reflection of the same little girl, who was waiting for her mother to lift her and swing in the air. She listened to her mother, who was planting the seeds who told, its not always the seeds that matters, but the place where it’s grown. And this place is very beautiful. Don’t forget that this place is very precious and beautiful. It has the power to even nourish the weeds, but weeds would just harm the place, sucking all its power.

And then all she realised that in the process of waiting for seeds to be planted in those gaps, she forgot to notice the love and nourishment that place carried. All this while, mistaking flower with those weeds.

She closed her eyes and saw herself wearing those polka dot frock again and this time she was alone on a beach. Waves were moving unlike her. Her feet touched the dancing waves. They tickled her sole. And she was reminded that she was alive and that place inside her was still breathing. And if that place is still breathing, so there is still hope.

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